|things and stuff.
||[Oct. 18th, 2007|11:10 pm]
it has been so long since i typed in here that i suddenly feel like the past year has been indecipherable. I can't even completely remember the order of events. this year was like every year, and also unlike every year. the same because if was full of changes and growth, and different because the instances were unique, exciting, different, and from a more mature perspective. Since about march of last year I've learned to really be comfortable in my own skin, and i love love love my major to death. psychology is my calling. I'm fascinated and continually inspired to learn and grown in this area. I've been thinking about my education, and I do complain about the stress a lot (mostly because it feels a lot better than keeping it in, but i don't want people to get sick of me or bum them out over it.) but i have been thinking that while i am so inspired and enchanted with psychology I should go for my masters right after college, maybe taking one semester off. Starbucks is really bumming me out. training employees for a new store has left me with about 20 hours the next two weeks. and while this is an opportune time, with tests coming up and all, I cannot live with this little money. I am really poor. I have 80 bucks until next Friday. yikes. It's sad too because i love doing stuff this time of year, but life is very expensive. If my fabulous boyfriend didn't take me out like he does I would probably never see the light of day! I would be in the attic studying my life away or going to slummy bars with my friends (ha..ha..). I don't know. I think this is all making me stronger though. I don't feel like i used to.. ready to break at any moment... hanging on by a thread... you know the deal. I feel I've gotten closer to closure than ever too. And I am juggling more responsibilities successfully than I ever have. It may sound like I'm bragging.. but I'm just really grateful that I've come from where I have been. that I was able to change after everything. That I'm not gonna be a psycho ADD freak forever. I just got prescribed Adderrol and I'm considering not taking it. Who knows.. maybe I can do it on my own. I mean i do have my set backs... flushing phones down the toilet, locking keys in my car, making people cry when i drive. getting brain freezes like I'm ten? I'm reluctant to take them, and maybe it's for a reason. maybe i want to stick it out and do it on my own. I donno maybe i'm just really scared about putting something else in my body. i wish i could get off everything. Just be free of those alarms on my phone. maybe one day. this weekend is going to be good because i'm going to go into boston during my favorite time of year...and because i'm going to be there for ashley and she needs me right now (luff you bear)but a little saddening because I won't see nick as much as usual. At least we'll see eachother tomorrow night and i believe i have sunday off. this working at about 10am after class i was laying in my room freezing to death and i thought about how nice it was to sit out on my porch this summer and let the heat just seep into my skin. it also made me think about how everything changes and how different it has been without my brother living here anymore. I miss him a lot. Out of everyone in the family I think I am handling it the worst haha. He's so smart and so nice. and so funny. i love him to death. But i'm happy for his change. he gets to live with the girl he wants to marry, and that's a pretty sweet deal when it comes down to it. We're playing a little game I liek to call "who can have a sinus infection the longest?!?!!?" last year his was 4 months and this year mine has been since September 5thish. you do the math. I don't know where this is going or why i let it go so far. I'm gonna go snuggle with luna in the attic. good night loves.|