Log in

Too strung up to sleep...~*~* [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ website | Pics ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

things and stuff. [Oct. 18th, 2007|11:10 pm]
it has been so long since i typed in here that i suddenly feel like the past year has been indecipherable. I can't even completely remember the order of events. this year was like every year, and also unlike every year. the same because if was full of changes and growth, and different because the instances were unique, exciting, different, and from a more mature perspective. Since about march of last year I've learned to really be comfortable in my own skin, and i love love love my major to death. psychology is my calling. I'm fascinated and continually inspired to learn and grown in this area. I've been thinking about my education, and I do complain about the stress a lot (mostly because it feels a lot better than keeping it in, but i don't want people to get sick of me or bum them out over it.) but i have been thinking that while i am so inspired and enchanted with psychology I should go for my masters right after college, maybe taking one semester off. Starbucks is really bumming me out. training employees for a new store has left me with about 20 hours the next two weeks. and while this is an opportune time, with tests coming up and all, I cannot live with this little money. I am really poor. I have 80 bucks until next Friday. yikes. It's sad too because i love doing stuff this time of year, but life is very expensive. If my fabulous boyfriend didn't take me out like he does I would probably never see the light of day! I would be in the attic studying my life away or going to slummy bars with my friends (ha..ha..). I don't know. I think this is all making me stronger though. I don't feel like i used to.. ready to break at any moment... hanging on by a thread... you know the deal. I feel I've gotten closer to closure than ever too. And I am juggling more responsibilities successfully than I ever have. It may sound like I'm bragging.. but I'm just really grateful that I've come from where I have been. that I was able to change after everything. That I'm not gonna be a psycho ADD freak forever. I just got prescribed Adderrol and I'm considering not taking it. Who knows.. maybe I can do it on my own. I mean i do have my set backs... flushing phones down the toilet, locking keys in my car, making people cry when i drive. getting brain freezes like I'm ten? I'm reluctant to take them, and maybe it's for a reason. maybe i want to stick it out and do it on my own. I donno maybe i'm just really scared about putting something else in my body. i wish i could get off everything. Just be free of those alarms on my phone. maybe one day. this weekend is going to be good because i'm going to go into boston during my favorite time of year...and because i'm going to be there for ashley and she needs me right now (luff you bear)but a little saddening because I won't see nick as much as usual. At least we'll see eachother tomorrow night and i believe i have sunday off. this working at about 10am after class i was laying in my room freezing to death and i thought about how nice it was to sit out on my porch this summer and let the heat just seep into my skin. it also made me think about how everything changes and how different it has been without my brother living here anymore. I miss him a lot. Out of everyone in the family I think I am handling it the worst haha. He's so smart and so nice. and so funny. i love him to death. But i'm happy for his change. he gets to live with the girl he wants to marry, and that's a pretty sweet deal when it comes down to it. We're playing a little game I liek to call "who can have a sinus infection the longest?!?!!?" last year his was 4 months and this year mine has been since September 5thish. you do the math. I don't know where this is going or why i let it go so far. I'm gonna go snuggle with luna in the attic. good night loves.
link2 comments|post comment

only once but let me [Jul. 18th, 2007|02:17 am]
i feel different about everyone.
i feel the same in my head and my ways
but i treat people differently
this is a paradox.

i don't think america is the right place for me.
for a very long time,
i thought about the spirit of america, and thought that there were major changes that needed to take place.
then it was more localized. its the government. and it is corrupt.
however corruption is everywhere.
i really thought about it.
and the part that stands out to me is the spirit of america, and in some ways, as i understand it, it is the freedom to make something out of yourself with no help of others. very individualistic.
this is not for me.
i don't need the economic freedom to be a millionaire. i much rather have universal health care.
i don't want to be in the most competitve work force. i want to have a family. and a government that will take care of me when i have children and when i am old.
i dont want an individualistic society. i want a community that looks out for one another.
i dont think America is bad, i just don't think it's right for me.
the only problem is, being in the right place for me takes a back seat to my first priority,
being available to my loved once, that happen to feel right at home in America. I hate that the fact that i work means im supporting a war. they take money out of my check to fight a war that i am completly and utterly against. and that makes me a hippocrate.
i think it's the governments job to protect it's citizens. being in iraq has given america the illusion of protection. but what about our elderly? what about our sick? what about our poor? what about our disabled? the illiterate? Aids. i need a more "people-centered" community. that's motivation enough for me to take pride in my work. to not cheat the system. but feel connected and respectful to my home.
the America I know is not like this. this may be right or wrong, but regardless, this country is in conflict with my morality. here lies the dilemma.
link2 comments|post comment

hooray. [May. 22nd, 2007|03:04 pm]
it's my birfday.
link1 comment|post comment

"one day when it's convenient for both of us" [May. 21st, 2007|04:01 am]

sorry I'm late...
I was out spoiling my liver
i c o u l d n ' t w a i t .
the sun was up for far too long today..
and I can't see straight.
but the two of you look awfully pretty
and I couldn't wait
been awake for far too long today
and is it strong enough to burn away the cooking wine?
i'm just tired enough
if I close my eyes
i'll sleep for days

i'll sleep for days
linkpost comment

The commandments are of consolation and warmth [Apr. 30th, 2007|11:53 pm]
i just took a bath and it was awesome.
i feel so comfy right nowwww.
i can't wait to be 21.
work kinda blows a littlee.
i still love it though..?
i want sushi. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
fucking reobsessed with HIM.
i've got a bad case of the ville valo love disease.
i am so self involved... look how many times i typed "i"
i want wine so hard right now.
come drink wine with me.
linkpost comment

Keep warm my dear, keep dry. [Apr. 25th, 2007|01:00 pm]
What's the matter Mary jane?
had a hard day?
as you place the don't disturb sign on the door.
You lost your place in line again..
what a pity...
you never seem to want to dance anymore.
It's a long way downnnnn
on this rollercoaster.
the last chance
street car
went off the track
and you're on it.
hear you're counting sheep again
mary jane-
whats the point of trying to dream anymore?
hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane....
ever wonder who you're losin it for?
Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction...
there's a few more bruises
if thats the way
you insist on heading
Please be honest Mary Jane
are you happy?
please... don't censor your tears.
You're a sweet crusader
and you're on your way
you're the last great innocent
that why I love you.
So take this moment Mary Jane
and be selfish.
worry not about the cars that go by...
Cuz all that matters Mary Jane..
is your freedom,
So keep warm my dear.
Keep Dry.
Tell me
tell me..
Whats the Matter Mary Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane?
tell me...
tell me...

linkpost comment

i'm on fiiiiiiiiiire [Apr. 18th, 2007|02:45 am]
[Current Location |your mom's bed]
[music |nine inch nails]

no school today for flooding.
i didnt have power and my house was like 51 degrees.
i slept latteee.
i painted things.
had wine with pat and laughedmyfuckingassoff.

school is slowly coming to an end.
i cant believe how fast everything has been going.
school and work and friends.
april is half over already...
tomorrow i could sign up for classes but my rents were declined as co-singers on my loan.
so.. maybe i will sell the pig for tuition money. i mean wait what?

33 days til my birthday.
21 days til class is over.
19 days til muse and my chemical romance.
2 days til the day after tomorrow
1 day til tomorrow.
i can go. with the flow.
linkpost comment

i'm gonna be 21. [Mar. 26th, 2007|06:02 pm]
I feel like i should have been 21 for about 3 years now.
the fact that i'm ALMOST 21 makes me feel young, because
i've felt almost 21 for so long.
i'm still not.
how long have i been acting older than i am.
how long have i been doing shit way beyond my age.

don't worry. i will let you buy me a drink.
linkpost comment

I'm not free [Feb. 27th, 2007|02:35 am]
and neither are you.
link2 comments|post comment

George Bush singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday" [Dec. 13th, 2006|03:43 am]

George Bush singing &quot;Sunday Bloody Sunday&quot;
"George Bush singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday"" on Google Video

link1 comment|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]